Why old conflict resolution habits keep coming back?
A few years ago, I had the opportunity to conduct a workshop for two conflicted teams: marketing and sales. These teams, despite their critical roles in driving the company’s success, were often at odds with each other. Their disagreements ranged from misaligned goals to misunderstandings about each other’s responsibilities. Over the course of our workshop, we delved deep into the roots of their conflicts, defining clear actions to resolve them. We even conducted follow-up checkpoints every three months to monitor their progress. For a while, it seemed like the teams were on the right path, moving towards a more collaborative and harmonious relationship.
However, a few days ago, I ran into a colleague from one of those teams. She told me that the conflicts had returned, seemingly with the same intensity as before. Despite their efforts and the progress they had made, the teams were once again acting as if they had completely different goals. This raises a crucial question: Why do we keep falling back into old conflict habits, even after we’ve worked so hard to change them?
The Roots of Recurring Conflict
1. Deep-Seated Behavioral Patterns
Human behavior is often influenced by deep-seated patterns that develop over time. These patterns, formed through years of personal and professional experiences, can be incredibly difficult to change. When under stress or pressure, individuals tend to revert to familiar behaviors, even if those behaviors are counterproductive.
2. Cognitive Biases
Cognitive biases, such as confirmation bias and the fundamental attribution error, can play a significant role in perpetuating conflicts. Confirmation bias leads individuals to favor information that confirms their preexisting beliefs, while the fundamental attribution error causes them to attribute others’ negative behaviors to inherent flaws rather than situational factors. These biases can hinder genuine understanding and reconciliation.
3. Lack of Continuous Reinforcement
Changing behavior is not a one-time event; it requires continuous effort and reinforcement. Without regular check-ins, support, and reminders of the new conflict resolution strategies, teams are likely to revert to their old ways. The initial momentum gained from workshops and interventions can fade if not maintained through ongoing reinforcement.
Automatic Reactions and Their Origins
Automatic reactions to disagreements often stem from our natural fight-or-flight response. When faced with conflict, our brains perceive it as a threat, triggering this instinctual response. This can result in defensive behaviors, aggressive responses, or avoidance—all of which can worsen the conflict rather than resolve it. Additionally, cultural and organizational norms can influence how individuals react to disagreements. If an organization has a history of competitive or siloed behavior, employees may be more likely to default to adversarial interactions. These reactions are further reinforced by previous experiences where such behaviors may have been rewarded or went unchallenged.
Connecting Automatic Behaviors with Sustained Change
Recognizing these automatic behaviors highlights the need for consistent and ongoing support to sustain change. Regular support from an Agile Coach or mediator can provide the necessary structure and reinforcement to help teams break free from these ingrained patterns. This support is critical for several reasons:
1. Sustained Change
Regular support from an Agile Coach or mediator is crucial in sustaining the changes achieved through initial conflict resolution efforts. These professionals provide the necessary guidance, tools, and reinforcement to help teams stay on track and continue developing healthier ways of interacting.
2. Objective Perspective
An external coach or mediator can offer an objective perspective that internal team members might struggle to maintain. They can identify emerging conflicts early, facilitate constructive conversations, and ensure that the team’s goals remain aligned.
3. Enhanced Communication
Consistent support helps improve both internal and external communication. Internally, it fosters a culture of openness and collaboration, reducing misunderstandings and misalignments. Externally, it ensures that the teams present a unified front to clients, stakeholders, and partners, enhancing the company’s overall reputation and effectiveness.
Avoiding the Boomerang Effect: Sustaining Conflict Resolution
Old habits die hard, especially when it comes to conflict resolution. The recurring nature of conflicts, or the “boomerang effect,” occurs when teams revert to familiar patterns of behavior despite previous efforts to change. Understanding the underlying reasons for this can help us address the issue more effectively. Continuous support is essential in maintaining the progress made and fostering a culture of constructive conflict resolution. By investing in ongoing support and development, organizations can ensure that their teams work together harmoniously, avoiding the boomerang effect and driving success both internally and externally.
